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Simply Im a mom trying to suffer through life trials and set backs with a smile on my face and a new outlook on life! Being a single mom in utah and owning a tractor trailer has really made my life interesting... And lets not forget dating in your 30's that could drive anyone insane! Therapy is needed so I have decided to blog... maybe through humor, tears and strength we can all pull through..

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Strike out!!!

Life right now is a perplex bowl of goo..... Since Valentines after making a vow with Mikey I would put as much effort into finding that guy as in a job, the trucks... etc... I did it. Well kind of. In a round about way I ended up making contact with a very young arrogant someone... Exactly right up my ally. Over 6 feet and shaved head... and a bike. I sent a pic to Bex and she said "Oh lord, yep!" His total demeanor smacked the "playa Diva" (from my previous post) right out of her high heels... Game over at the first kiss. This kiss we met at a coffee shop. We had been talking and texting on the phone for almost two weeks. I felt like I knew him I remember standing in line in my heels leaning on him and loving his size. He hovered over me. I remember feeling comfortable with a man I only met once to lean into him as we were in line. He walked me to my truck and as I slithered into THOR... ( we pegged off some K rail the other day! she has earned that name!) He leaned over gripped the nape of my hair and kissed me. I haven't been kissed like that since Scotty. It reached to my toes, it took my breathe and I lost all thought process. As I walked into my meeting I know I was skipping. I dont get twittered. I believe in none of the time consuming flitter, flutter, kind of love, dating hog wash. Now here I am crazing him. Lusting him and just a puddle of goo every time the text, or the phone rings. I have become pathetic. He is a full time dad to a herd of little man childs. He is distrusting, bossy and arrogant. I freaking love it. He is my firm hand.... that adores..
Now trying to be a bit more cautious. I am not on the rebound. I am keeping my head straight. And dont laugh.. Yes he knows oil. He worked in Vernal and has a CDL. I dont know how and why that seems to happen. He is no longer in the business. Thank GOD!!! No more trucker boys for me. He is almost a girl in a store, he bought me the cutest pair of cargo pants and tees. He is kind, he is overbearing. And he is gone.
After several weeks of being lavished by attention. The demons came out. His demons. A simple act and going out with a friend brought on jealousy, distrust and hate that tore it all apart. My outgoing flirtatious manner was to much to bear and the deep, deep scars of a wife gone bad and a girlfriend who forgot to tell him she was married, pushed him to believe that I was just a lying,....... I cant even say what he thinks. He says I disrespect him and cheated and lied to him. The hardest part is he called me a liar. Daddy said all you have is your name.
There is no convincing him that I am true to him or to anyone Im with. Yes I have many male friends and at one point were lovers. But those who are still in my life is because we grew close as friends to.
Skinny Trucker #1 actually apologized out of the blue for calling me a liar and the way he treated me in the break up. It was in March. His sincere apology was greatly appreciated and valued. For him to admit he was wrong is something he does not do.
Maybe someday my young biker boy will see his mistakes also. I am so bullheaded I want to convince him that I am right. But it is not worth it. He will try to control more and will simply have to end then.
I just hate dating!

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