About Me

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Simply Im a mom trying to suffer through life trials and set backs with a smile on my face and a new outlook on life! Being a single mom in utah and owning a tractor trailer has really made my life interesting... And lets not forget dating in your 30's that could drive anyone insane! Therapy is needed so I have decided to blog... maybe through humor, tears and strength we can all pull through..

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

but honest my crazed mother threw away my homework

Good Morning world,
I am wondering if I should just stop the fight I have in the mornings between 4 am and 5 am... Should I just get up and start the day in the dead of night? Well it is to me. I hate waking up in the cold dark early morning. I leave my top shades open so that in the mornings the light is looming in my room.. By the time 6 something comes around I feel as if I have not slept. Which I have not. I do not have a REM sleep.. I never shut down long enough to rest. It sucks.
Also I have a hard time falling asleep which turns into me decluttering or rearranging an area in the home.. Hense comes the title. Scribbles of their homework or bits and pieces of supposed homework scattered across the floor, I assume that it is destined as scratch paper or needs to be thrown into the trash.. That is my assumption of random papers on my family room floor. They are left right in the traffic path for paw prints and high heel marks. If they were of any importance wouldn't you think that you would keep them in your back pack that should be in the hall closet? Not randomly tossed on the floor of course in the path of their mother. All of their contents spreading out even further as the dog, mom, brother and long board passes, trips and falls over. Yes I said long board. They are looming in the hallway waiting for me to forget and wander into my living room in the dark and fall to my doom. I know it is a quiet plan of the boys to teach me a lesson because Im constantly nagging their ass...
Basically Brendan shreaked as he was sluggishly lounging around the house sllllloooooowwwly getting his clothes on, he needed his spelling homework. Well in the wee hours of 1 am I was washing off counters and clearing of the kitchen table.. A random piece of paper was doomed for the garbage... I wrote a note explaining that he did the homework but I assumed it did not need to be handed in.. He has this way of pouting and fighting at the same time that pretty much makes me crazed. Its a pissy little attitude whine that one day he is going to knocked flying. Its a self serving attitude that I have the honor of hearing every morning because he cant find his shoes... oh yeah they got kicking into the corner so i could walk or I put them away...Amazing!! They say that if you do it 24 times its a habit? Well then its been 6 years when are they gonna get it...... note... I haven't picked up a towel since the had to drip dry....Amazing what a little tough love will do. I havent replaced a shower curtain due to urine stains since they have scrubbed the yellow marks off the floor, wall, picture, ceiling, garbage can...... Its amazing how fast they can aim when they are on their knees every day cleaning up their own mishaps!
Yes Im a bitch of a mom but children were not placed on this earth to be served. They are hear to be taught, guided, and to be loved. I can bitch alot over the little stuff but last night was simply great. I was making the most amazing chicken faghitas, while my youngest decided to make the most amazing bad ass cookies. My other son finishing his homework and set the table. It was great just a little bit of assisatnce and the cookies were baking, the fagitas were on the table, my oldest knew while I was grabbing the supplies out of the fridge to stir what was on the oven.. After dinner, the dishes were being done, stuff put back in the fridge, and homework getting finished. They are a great help and very hard workers. I am proud of the fact that at 13 and 11, they can cook basic meals, do laundry, and put away clothes. Not alot of other kids now days can say that!!!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

happy race day!!

This was from Valentines loved it why didnt I post it... Funny thing that happened that night... next post

Thank god for small miracles. Daytona 500 is on black 14. Thank goodness. And my driver Bowyer is in the lead! Yes one man in my life knows how to make me happy. I am also thinking that the facial hair on Dale Jr is not accomidating to my fantasies... Its a no go in the sexy scene. Today starts my man fast. Last night I hung out with my dear friend Mikey. After and indepth conversation in the trials of dating.... such as going out and finding that right guy, the germ lingering on surfaces and body parts that we def DO NOT WANT TO CATCH.. K Mikey has just made me an official germaphobe . After that conversation and the News about fountain drinks... I will never touch a man or a diet coke on tap!!!
Im thinking a man fast isnt a bad thing. Its like a body cleanse.. for the mind and the body. This sabbatical from the desires of the flesh will allow me to gain control of my emotions and also regain my game so that I can toy with the simple creatures call men.. Yes simple creatures. They are easily read if you can keep your wits about you. They are creatures like us all that are driven by need.. Its our job as the dominate playa to toy them and pursuit the other person into realizing what they want is simply me.. Yes its evil and devilish but realistically in the war of love, dating and simple emotional survival in da love game, power is survival.. Heck check out MSN its all about being da playa!!!
Right now I am getting pure excitement watching the Cheerios car going roundy roundy in the lead. The simple pleasures of NASCAR... go fast and turn left. Bowyer is in the lead, there is a red flag that we can burn up some laps on...Oh life is good right now.. Simplicity.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

gerbils, dogs and the glory of it all

Some how I have ended up with two gerbils in my care while my two children are in colorado with their father. Now after the hamster debacle I enlisted a new rules to the household. No rodents. With our history of keeping small creatures in cages is well bets are that they will be lost indefinitely... soon. Problem is like the last time the smell of death loomed in the home for a very long time... Basically I choked on the hideous smell till I tormented and bribed two friends to come and suck all the vents out with their special vacuum. I would have considered sexual favors also to lure my friends and their handy dandy vacuum. Yet threats of man hood being ripped off and tears and BEER did the trick! the stench was beyond any type smell that I could endure. Mind you I am a mother of two boys who play hockey.
Plus these little critters run and bite. The kids warned me that the boy bites... okay... which one is the boy... Also while I was carefully feeding these potential doggie treats....he he Ciara has been staring them down. I dumped the spoonful of critter food all over... Joyous!!
I liked the snakes.. they didnt bite, they would lay down and "cuddle' well they did. Larry would curl up in my cleavage at night while I read my school work. The other would slither a bit more but he would curl around my neck and hang.
The dog.. she is to small to loose and will return home for treats. She doesn't fit in any holes or couch cushions. That is the only reason she is a survivor in this house. So here I am stuck in this home with rodents and a dog. My kids are gone to Colorado for a hockey tournament. I hate it. I get tormented with no human contact. No interaction with anyone one other than the Big lab on my feet.. My mind wanders and torments me of what ifs and who knows. I really hate it... I have been pursuing a sales job. Anything that will give me consistency and stability. If I have that in one part of my life then I will not feel the need to have it in my personal life. Personal life... I am becoming a hermit. I really am becoming one with absolutely no toleration for other humans. My ego boosting friend got FOOK off the other day. Dont try to understand me when your life experiences have not even come close to mine. Also I am sure there is a bit of some type of social disorder wrapped up in my personality to make me even more un understandable for the rational types... Un understandable is english in my world.
My cute little trucker got the same fook off too.. Like I said there is only room with one drama queen in my relationships,... HELLO its already been filled. His is a bit more serious.. I just cant do it so I have hardened myself to the possibilities of what will come in the future... When I lean towards The original skinny trucker dude for comfort and guidance you know its bad!!!
My little trucker threw out the L word on the 7th day of February. #7 was the day of the death of a friend and our 7th month anniversary of dating... love hate the 7. But even better the 9 the day they recovered my friends body.... and they day my trucker pleaded with me to not allow him to be buried in Montana... WTF..... now it was a lot worse on the 9th.. Hes sick hes swollen to the size of a pregnant woman prolly 5 months on his thin ass frame... His organs are strained. And hes not going to get treatment. WTF I refuse to allow someone to torture me by allowing themselves to die. It was heartbreaking and my survival skills came out in full force. I told him after I begged him to get help to FUCK OFF AND DIE..... or pull your head out and survive...
Two days later from the pressure on his stomach cavity he got some treatment. His liver is producing fluid. Its a slow death not a speedy one and luckily discomfort overwhelmed him... Point for me.. Now can I tolerate him with out him drinking? I am not sure... I will support and encourage him but him sober, its going to be a challenge.
So then I enlisted the comfort of my original trucker. Interesting how that happens... Well they grew up together, lived close to each other and their cheating wives hung out together. He told me the truth on the heavy drinking that they did together. Hes just the lucky bastard that prolly has some underlying condition that hosed him.
My friend told me to envision my life how I want it.. I am I am trying smooth life of happiness and love... oh it sounds like a fairy tale... I am sure the fairy tale would also have misery. My ego friend is in his own misery. Well we control our misery so put up and shut up or get out... I informed him just before the Fook off that hes not that miserable cuz he still married, still in his perfect home, perfect life, perfect wife (shes beautiful.) Then told him to fix it or quit the bleeding and get out...
Those desires for someone to care for me are sort of there... I am more powerful than I have been in a long time. Due to the hate for men and the stupidity of them all... My man from years ago... computer boy... the one that still knows me completely.. Said the most significant thing in the 4 years I have known him.. He said that its harder to manage being in a relationship than being alone. Maybe its easier for a woman to manage a relationship than a man. The man has to work more to manage the woman.. Okay it makes complete sense... He is supposed to be the man, the strong arms, the gentle shoulder... and they women he has had in his life....well have baggage. But he is not the easiest critter to deal with easier. I still think if he would just relent, give up, give himself to me completely share his stuff. We would be happy......I just want to curl up next to him... And he was the only man who liked the snakes....