But he came over the other night and once again demons plagued his visit. He said he was falling in love with me. I dont like the L word and its not a true word. Its pharmones and infatuation the first year. Its different then when I read the blog about trucker boy saying it because he is a close friend not a passionate lover. His kisses never went to my toes. He was quiet and understanding. Biker boy is passion and twitterpation. Its too soon!! Worse part is I heard those words sneak through my lips. He is complete satisfaction to me.
Once again Im a liar and he distrusts me. I cannot and will not give my close friends up. I am not sure what to do. I will not get him back nor should I? Is he unhealthy for me or just a firm hand? Everything I do he is upset with, which is wrong. If I dont mention something because I do not find importance in that act then I am a liar and deceiving him. Is it the idea of him? Is it his stature? Feeling so safe? He is going back to school and I felt so proud of him. I want to show him off I loved going out with him.. He says I come in ass a hard ass and leave as a cuddly little thing. I am just being around him I melt.
I dont want to think, I dont want to hurt, he came into my life so swift when I put out in the universe I wanted him. I will now have to void him from my mind. I am going to work, clean and care for boys over and over again. No thoughts will be wasted on yellow motorbikes..