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Simply Im a mom trying to suffer through life trials and set backs with a smile on my face and a new outlook on life! Being a single mom in utah and owning a tractor trailer has really made my life interesting... And lets not forget dating in your 30's that could drive anyone insane! Therapy is needed so I have decided to blog... maybe through humor, tears and strength we can all pull through..

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I should have my own reality show

Well for starters. I am really not sure how to do this. I guess its like placing the words on paper the you ooze out when you are having a drunken moment and confess all of your thoughts fears and loves to your best friend who is holding your hair as you lean over the toilet. You always feel better after that. I'm thinking that this will be great therapy. In the years to come my children can look it up and prove to their therapist that they indeed came out alot better than expected.
Anyway the latest experience in my life that proves that I am getting very close to being accepted to the Jerry Springer show.

My friends wedding on Saturday!
Of course there will be some history and drama mixed.
Anyway I am hauling ass from Rifle Colorado to make it there. Its a truck thing in Colorado.
I get back throw myself together for the evening. I have to look extra hot! You will find out why. My date meets me and looks absolutely amazing. Come on I can pick them! 30 years old, amazing body, shaved head, black eyes, and smokin hot. Also dressed like someone right off a GQ magazine. He even made sure we color coordinated.
As we enter the wedding he squeezes my hand and tells me to quit spazzing out.
Let me set the mood. My great friends are the bride and groom. The best man is someone I dated. Lets call him "incident boy". He refers to me as "crazy Bitch." (If he has reason to call me that lets just say it was 10 weeks of uncontrolled hormones that he helped create!)
It gets better.... then sitting on the other side of the room is incident boys wife, ex wife, currently seperated or as he would call her "the whore". I think I scored with the nicer of the two nicknames. The person he has sold equipment for, spent thousands of dollars to divorce, and has been in a horrible, vile custody battle with.... is his date.
I have reasons to freak out.
While sitting there my dreamy date leans over to me after surveying the interesting chaos around us.
He says to me "You dont like me because I do not need to be fixed".
History on turtle.... aka my dreamy date.... We dated 3 years ago a bit. He dumped me for his current ex girlfriend, I started dating Novell boy. Through the 3 years we have been confidents, friends, buddies, and support for each other. I have cried on his shoulder about EVERYTHING for years.
I then answered " your right."
I have been outted. I will admit im a Nurturer. I can admit now that im a fixer. I am not sure why.
My BFF Becky has pretty much figured that out a while ago and told me the same thing a few weeks ago. She told me if I need to fix people go back into social work. But I dont want tooooo.....
Its true. There is nothing to fix with Turtle. He is a single dad raising his boys full time and doing a great job. Other than having to pickup the boys once he really doesnt need me. Ahhh yes I have some bizarre need to be needed. Do I know why? Nope... If I did I would be in a calm, non drama relationship (uh wait we cant use that word...makes my tummy hurt.... hang out buddy ) with Turtle.
Luckily I survived the beautiful wedding. Incident boy and I didnt even look at each other. I had a great time with Turtle. Incidet boy and I did the week prior text and talk about Trucks and a little bit about that if his wife would pull her head out he would take her back. I responded with the lecture people dont change!!! Accept that behavior or get the hell out. I will note that I am sooo good at listening to my own advice. Becky is so proud of me that it only took 3 years for me to figure that out with Novell Boy.
Two days later at the truck yard. James, the groom or my rockstar buddy.... we were figuring out the dumptruck thing. Asked me why I am not with Turtle? I told him my reasons. He told me just quit it. He is great, you are cute together, comfortable with each other and if he will deal with your shit go for it.
Easier said than done.. Do you wanna hear the rest?
So I have been seeing someone else also. Skinny trucker #2. Incident boy is the original.
Well SK#2 (Skinny trucker #2) has been out of cell service and gave me a call the next day. And can we say damaged!!! Even worse than Incident Boy. But it gets even better. They were raised together in Montana in a "community". They stayed friends up to a few years ago due to #2 moving and one of the million seperations of Incident Boy and the.... lets say wedding date. Their wives (not sure current status) were good friends. Well hearing from both on their wives behaviors they were damn good wingmen for each other too.
I must admit with #2 I do get peace. He lives out of town and its a place where I can run away.
He lives out of town. I get there about the time he gets off of work. He has his routine and I just follow. Its quiet, peaceful and somewhere where no one knows that Im there.
When I get there he is around back sitting in a chair on the patio reading a book, Drinking a beer and prolly smoking a cigarette. Its always the same. He looks up and smiles, says Hi, gives me a little kiss as I lean over, he tells me hes dirty and sighs as he gives me another kiss. I ask him if hes tired and he winks and says yes. (its our inside joke, he never misses me if hes tired) I grab a beer and a cigarette and sit down across from him. I put my feet on him he reminds me that hes dirty... wrenchin... I wink and say I dont care. He touches my toe rings and shutters and says he just doesnt get it. He hates my toe rings. We sit in the quiet. He will finish his page set down his book and tease me about how slow I drink my beer. (Someday Im going to sneak a bottle of wine in his fridge... Beer gives me bubbles.) If he has been wrenchin in the shop he is covered in grease and dirt. I usually get a small hug and have to wait till he changes... and I pester him to hurry!!! He loves to torment because the more i beg the bigger his smile gets and the longer it takes. If he has been driving its just sand and I get my hug and cuddle, my kiss on my forehead.
He can cook too. We will cook together and talk and sit on the patio cuddled up and talk and just snuggle. Its so quiet and relaxing I wish it was closer.
He always gets up early for work. I wander in later with his mountain dew. Chat with the shop boys and hang out with "Uncle Dave."
I go there for work usually. I try to find work in the depressed and dying oil town that I was raised in. It just damn depressing to see all the trucks on the fence and the rigs stacked with weed growing through them.
Its funny how where I was raised is where I run for escape. The worst part is I dont tell my family. No one knows.... Just Becky and #2.
I sometimes sneak out in the Pete with him to the patch with a load of sand if it was a pre load for a Frac. (Oil Talk sorry..... go out in the big pink truck with the triangle trailers with sand that they stuff down the hole to make the well produce more.... Pre frac no one is up there.)
But sometimes is not that smooth. His Ex has damaged him, and he is still dealing with that pain and the denial of how damaged he is. Trust is a big issue because she broke it.
This boy is a gold mine of damage that needs "fixing".
Im just not sure if my soul can suffer through being the "recovery girl" for another heartbroken Montana boy.
And for your information I met #2 through his brother. I didnt not know the connection until we talked one night for hours. Its simply a delicate situation but right now till the snow falls on the patio at his house Im going to enjoy it.

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